“At some point in the core of every woman’s soul, an ache
begins to form. It starts with a glance
or a glare, a conversation or a comment.
It digs deep into the wonder of our worth. But it ultimately takes the shape of the
question:
WHY HER?”*
In her new book, WhyHer? 6 Truths We need to Hear When Measuring Up Leaves Us Falling Behind, Nicki
bears her own struggles and encourages the reader to be brutally honest and
wrestle with the comparison trap. Here’s
an excerpt from her book:
“I spent the first few years of my childhood in the small
town of Coolidge, Arizona, about halfway between Phoenix and Tucson. My family
was by no means well-off. We always seemed to have just enough to get by.
Rarely was there room in our budget for extras, like the pair of
black-and-white saddle shoes I desperately wanted. Do you remember those? They
were calling my name in 1985.
My dad was the high school football coach, so I spent a lot
of Friday
nights with my mom and brother in the bleachers. The game itself was anything
but thrilling to me, but I didn’t mind going because it meant I’d be able to
watch the cheerleaders. That was exciting.
I dreamed of the day when I, too, might hopefully be out
there in a pleated skirt with pom-poms, making the crowd roar with enthusiasm
for our team. The cheerleaders must have known how much I looked up to them
because in the middle of one football season, they invited my best friend and
me to come cheer with them at an upcoming game.
Our elementary schoolgirl excitement was out of control.
High school cheerleaders?! YES! We practiced in the backyard every chance we
could get leading up to the game. One afternoon, we even put on our homemade
uniforms. But my zeal for this opportunity quickly faded that day as I looked
down at my friend’s feet. She was wearing a pair of brand new, shiny,
black-and-white saddle shoes. The same kind the high school cheerleaders wore.
My thoughts screamed silently with envy: What? Where did she get those? I need
a pair too!
I went to my mom later that night and pleaded for saddle
shoes, knowing full well our bank account didn’t match my begging. No matter
what I said, it didn’t matter. We didn’t have the money. Must be nice, though, being a girl in a family who did. But this
event in my life, especially as I look back on it, helped me discover something
about comparison that stuck with me. Honesty teaches us to stop fearing what we
don’t have so we can see what we do.
Honesty teaches us to
stop fearing what we don’t have so we can see what we do.
Right before that big football game, my mom actually did
find a pair of black-and-white saddle shoes I could borrow from someone else.
No, they weren’t shiny and new like my friend’s were. In fact, they were pretty
scuffed up and a little tight on my feet. But even though they were obviously
not as nice——I was thrilled with them. I took pride in them. I loved them.
I mean, sure, every time I looked at my BFF in her saddle
shoes, I felt a little stab of jealousy and discontent. But there were no new
saddle shoes coming to me. I knew that. And by accepting the shoes I had, I was
able to get honest with myself about it. To be okay with it. I decided I didn’t
want my envy to ruin the excitement of this opportunity.
Honesty about the
source of our comparison issues can lead us toward being hopeful again. Admitting
the situations we face each day that try to make us feel less-than is an
important first step—recognizing them as soon as possible, calling them out
before they take root and spiral into a lifestyle. Being honest enough to call
out comparison the moment it happens will help us regain our control of it.
Maybe you don’t desire to be the number-one person in your company.
Maybe you don’t care if your house looks anything like a
Pinterest picture. Maybe things like college educations don’t really faze you.
But something does. Some sour reality that makes you feel like you’re not
measuring up. And until you get honest about it, you won’t be able to conquer
it…
For you, it’s yours. For me, it’s mine. And when I think
about these struggles in my own life, and what it means to be honest about
them, God often takes me back to this verse: “Each one should test their own
actions. Then they can take pride in themselves alone, without comparing
themselves to somebody else,” (Galatians 6:4, NIV).
Comparison can sneak into my heart no matter how strong my
level of gratefulness and awareness. But by taking the time to recognize and
thank God for the blessings He puts into my life each day—by taking a good,
holy, healthy kind of pride in my current situation—I’m much more able to stay
honest and content with who I am and who I’m not. Staring
too long at the success of someone else can make us miss our own satisfaction
with life. And there’s simply too
much that’s beautiful about you and me to lose it all on her.”*
Let’s be honest for a minute here: are there any areas in
your life where you find yourself slipping into the “must be nice” syndrome?
Why Her? Really
forced me to look at these areas and more.
Nicki walks the reader through the six important truths which, for me,
gave me the freedom to come face to face with my “must be nice” and “why her”
questions. You can grab a copy of Why Her? from Amazon, Lifeway, or your favorite book retailer. You can also sign up for the FREE online bible
study for this book with Proverbs 31 Online Bible Studies.
*Excerpted with permission from Why Her? by Nicki
Koziarz. Copyright 2018, B&H Publishing Group.
Nicki Koziarz is a wife and mom to three girls plus a
handful of barnyard babies. They live
just outside of Charlotte, North Carolina.
She is an inspirational author, Bible teacher, and speaker with Proverbs
31 Ministries. Nicki leads from her own
brokenness that somehow God is making meaningful. You can connect with Nicki in her website, Facebook,
or Instagram.
