10 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: SCARED

I am scared of heights.  A few years ago, my family and I decided to go zip lining.  As I climbed up the ladder to reach the area where we take off the zip line, my heart began to palpitate. My sons went before me and when it was my turn, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I told my husband and the zip line guy that I couldn’t go through with it, and carefully made my way down the ladder.

This summer we went back to that park that had the zip line. I decided to join the boys in the ropes course. The problem was, there were zip lines in the course. We were several feet high, and I had no problem making my way through most of  the course, as physically demanding as it might be for a 40 year old woman. But when I got to the zip line part, I froze. By the Grace of God (via my 12 year old telling me Jesus was with me), I finished the course zip line and all.  When I think about it, it isn’t the height as much as it is being scared of losing the ground I am standing on. When I am on my balcony, I am fine. If I am behind a huge window, looking down twenty stories, I am fine.

This is how I am wired. I want to control things. I am scared of losing control. This was a blessing when I was younger and I never tried drugs because I didn’t want to lose control. But it has also paralyzed me and made me miss out on who knows what.

I’m a little better about losing control of my life and surrendering my life to God than I am of surrendering and soaring in the zip line. But sometimes, I still scared. And I have to remind myself that “He makes all things work for the good of those who love Him.”