17 of 31 Days of Five Minute of Free Writes: AVOID

I used to avoid confrontation and conflict. You see, I am a recovering people pleaser.  I hated the thought of anyone disliking me or thinking I disliked them.  I wanted to be known as a loving person, and this sometimes me at being a pushover. What I have learned through the years, is that sometimes avoiding conflict or confrontation is the most unloving thing we can do- for ourselves and for others. Initially facing conflict and confrontation might be unpleasant. In the long term, it can be beneficial.

I cannot go through the process of how to approach conflict and confrontation in a healthy way because I only have five minutes. I will end what Jesus told his disciples:

“If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector” (Matthew 18:15-17).

17 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: PERSON

I am not the same person I was ten years ago. I am not the same person I was even just four years ago. Some people take pride in being the same, unchanging person through the years, but I don’t. I believe that we are meant to continually grow and improve- make progress with ourselves and our lives. It isn’t a vertical, linear progress. It’s more of a scribble. You go up a little then go through a loop de loop that sets you back a few steps, then you’re on a plateau, and you go back up again, sometimes you might even just free fall straight down. But all the while you’re slowly but surely making progress upward.

This progress isn’t to a destination. It is a transformation.  I’d like to think that my own transformation is one that makes me more and more like Christ.  To surrender, and allow God to do His Work in my heart, and even if I take a few steps back, I am not discouraged because, “he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ” (Philippians 4:6).

16 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: CONSISTENT

I am not always a consistent person. I’m not one of those people you can see your clock on.  I start something and then find something else to start. In the last year, I have been trying so hard to be more consistent.

This is especially true with my faith. I’d like to think that I am consistent in trusting the Lord with all my heart, but that isn’t always the case. You can tell because when something happens that shakes me, I panic. There’s no peace of God there. 

I want to be immovable and, as Paul wrote, “Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain,” (1 Corinthians 15:8). 

15 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: OPEN



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I want the Lord to open the eyes of my heart so that I can see people the way He sees them: lost and broken, but also His beloved children. 

I want the live this life with Open Hands, Willing Heart (a title of a book by Vivian Mabuni): open hands to serve the people God put in my life, heart willing serve them even when it isn’t so exciting.

What does this look like? 

To see my son not as a strong willed child but one who needs to know he is valued and he is heard.

To sit and watch TV with my husband when I want to squeeze another 20 minutes of workout or to do something “productive.”

To give grace and even more grace when it’s the last thing I want to do because I know I am right. 

To see that person who just rubs me the wrong way, as God’s child who just needs a giant hug.

To look the panhandler in the eye as I give him some money and tell him that God loves him, and I pray to God he won’t use this for drugs.

14 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: VOICE



We live in a noisy world. We have TV shows at our disposal anytime and anywhere. In my home, my husband likes to keep the TV for background noise. We have access to music, podcasts, and audiobooks anytime and anywhere. And then there’s the inner chatter that goes on in our minds.

If you’re like me, that inner chatter doesn’t seem to stop. Sometimes, it’s my own voice, running through what I need to do that day. Sometimes, it’s a reply of a conversation I had with someone. Sometimes, it’s another voice nitpicking that same conversation, “you sounded so stupid. You talked too much.” Sometimes, the inner chatter is positive. But a lot of times, it’s self defeating.

Scientists say there are different sources for that inner chatter. It can be our own insecurities. It can be the voices of those who have discouraged or criticized us in the past. Scientists also said that it takes five positive praises or comments to erase one negative comment or criticism. 

I am forty years old. I can’t turn back time and erase all the negative voices that I have absorbed and have now become the inner chatter in my mind. But I can replace it with the One Voice that should matter to me. 

“My sheep hear my voice and I know them and they follow me” (John 10:27).

I want to hear my Shepherd’s voice when I wake up. I want to hear His voice when I am on a crossroad. I want to hear His voice when the inner chatter tells me I’m unlovable and unforgivable.

13 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: REACH

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Why is it that these prompts always bring me to God? Specifically God’s love.  Today, lyrics from the Third Day song comes to mind:

    “Your love, oh Lord,
    Reaches to the heavens
    Your faithfulness stretches to the sky
    Your righteousness is like the mighty    
    mountains
    Your justice flows like the ocean’s 
     tide.”

I love this imagery. We can’t reach the heavens. Whenever I look up at the clear night sky, I am in awe of billions of stars that splatter across the dark canvas and in awe of Creator who spoke it all to being. I cannot count all the stars in my lifetime and I cannot grasp the reach of His love in this lifetime, either.

All I know is that He loved me before I came to be.  He loved me even in my ugliest moments.  He loved me enough to die for me. 

What’s more, this love that reaches to the heavens isn’t just for me to keep to myself. It is for everyone. “He does not want anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance” (2 Peter 3:9).

I want to reach others for Christ so they can know this love that reaches to the heavens. Do YOU know this love?

12 of 31 Five Minute Free Writes: First

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I want God to be first in my life. This is easier said than done.  Last Sunday, our lead pastor challenged us to question if God truly is first in our lives. Who or what drives us? Who or what is something we feel we cannot live without?

Truth be told, though I might say I want God to be first in my life, I don’t always act like it. There are so many things that compete to ne first in my life. I put my family first. I put my job first. I put my service to God first. I put others’ opinions of me first.

All of these aren’t bad things.  They are good things.  Every good and perfect gift, including our family, is from God.  But let us be careful not to worship creation, instead of the Creator. 

My prayer today is:
    One thing I ask from the Lord,
    this only do I seek:
    that I may dwell in the house of the Lord
    all the days of my life,
    to gaze on the beauty of the Lord
    and to seek in his temple. (Psalm 27:4)

11 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: DEEP

One of my prayers for my boys is Ephesians 3:16-21 with an emphasis on verse 18: “May have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ.” I know that if they can grasp just an inkling of the depth of this love of Christ, they will be ok.

How deep is God’s love for us? 

It runs deeper that the center of the earth. Deeper than the deepest part of the ocean.

It is an endless love. A timeless love. A love that pursued me relentlessly. It is a radical and scandalous love. A love that, while I was still a sinner, died for me.

We will never experience a Love like this and I pray that I or my children will never minimize this Love in my mind, heart, and soul. 

10 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: SCARED

I am scared of heights.  A few years ago, my family and I decided to go zip lining.  As I climbed up the ladder to reach the area where we take off the zip line, my heart began to palpitate. My sons went before me and when it was my turn, I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I told my husband and the zip line guy that I couldn’t go through with it, and carefully made my way down the ladder.

This summer we went back to that park that had the zip line. I decided to join the boys in the ropes course. The problem was, there were zip lines in the course. We were several feet high, and I had no problem making my way through most of  the course, as physically demanding as it might be for a 40 year old woman. But when I got to the zip line part, I froze. By the Grace of God (via my 12 year old telling me Jesus was with me), I finished the course zip line and all.  When I think about it, it isn’t the height as much as it is being scared of losing the ground I am standing on. When I am on my balcony, I am fine. If I am behind a huge window, looking down twenty stories, I am fine.

This is how I am wired. I want to control things. I am scared of losing control. This was a blessing when I was younger and I never tried drugs because I didn’t want to lose control. But it has also paralyzed me and made me miss out on who knows what.

I’m a little better about losing control of my life and surrendering my life to God than I am of surrendering and soaring in the zip line. But sometimes, I still scared. And I have to remind myself that “He makes all things work for the good of those who love Him.” 

9 Days of 31 Five Minute Free Writes: JOIN

Join Hands

“For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them” (Matthew 18:20).

The first thing that comes to mind when I think about this word “join” is linking arms and joining in prayer.  So, will you join me in prayer today?

Pray for a young girl named Gabby and her family. She is an incredible God loving 16 year old who has cancer and she needs a miracle. You can find her story here.

Pray for a friend of mine who has also cancer. He has a few procedures and a follow up appointment this week.

October is a busy month according to the National Days Calendar. Would you join me and:

Pray for your pastor. October is Pastor Appreciation Month. Pastoring and shepherding is not for the faint of heart. It can take a lot out of you and there is an extra level of accountability there. They need our prayers.

Pray for your pastor’s spouse and his family. They are his support. And I’m sure there are many times they’ve scheduled their time around church activities.

Pray for our children. October is also National Bullying Prevention Month. Pray for these young hearts to cultivate kindness among each other. Pray for parents to have conversations about kindness and standing up for others.

Pray for those in abusive relationships. Domestic Violence Awareness Month falls on October. Domestic Violence isn’t just among married couples or adult couples. Some teens are also in abusive relationships and don’t even know it. Pray for adults and teens in abusive relationships. Pray for God to give them eyes to see the reality of their situation and the courage to leave. Pray for someone to come in to their lives to help them. 

Finally pray for eyes to REALLY see those around you. To love others boldly the way Jesus loved us.

So will you join me?

8 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: GATHER

From our October Women’s Brunch

My phone finally came today.  I was four days without a phone. These last four day’s made me realize that I may have teetered towards opting to gather in the virtual world over gathering in person.

Life is not easy. I don’t know about you, but more often than not, I feel like I’m on rollercoaster ride. There are ups. There are downs. There are moments that throw you in for a loop. God knew life would not be easy for us. And this is why in the Bible, we are encouraged to gather with like-minded people:

”And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near” (Hebrews 10:25).

When I read this a few years ago, my thought was “That sounds awesome and all but I can’t right now.”  Let’s face it, life gets pretty busy.  At one season in my life, I wanted nothing more than to gather with like-minded women. But that season didn’t allow me to.  Online communities were a blessing during that season, but there is nothing like face to face interaction.

Thanks be to God, that season has passed.  I carve out one Saturday a month to gather with ladies from church. Those Saturdays are such a blessing and I leave that gathering energized. 

There are also long overdue gatherings I have to mindfully make time for: a monthly gathering with my sisters, a gathering with the first three friends I made here, a gathering with a friend who moved a little farther away.

It isn’t always easy to carve out time to gather, but it is so crucial to our overall health. 

Are you able to carve out time to gather with others?

7 of 31 Days of Five Minute Free Writes: SAME

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We are all different, but we are also the same.  I wonder how different we would all treat each other when we come to terms with this fact. 

Someone might believe in vaccinating her children, and you might not.

Someone might believe in total gun control, and you might not.

Someone might be a republican, you might be a democrat.

Someone might choose to work away from her home, you might choose to be a stay at home mom.

Someone might curse like a sailor, you might not.

Someone might support Trump, you might be completely anti-Trump.

Someone might be black, you might be white.

But that person is a human being, same as you.

That person bleeds, same as you.

That person has a heart, same as you.

That person is someone's child, same as you.

That person is a child of God, same as you.

That person is a sinner, same as you.

Christ died for that person.  Christ did the same for you.

Days 5 and 6 of 31 Five Minute Free Writes:

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Day 5: OTHER

“You shall have no other gods before me" (Exodus 20:3-5).

“Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind" (Mathew 22:37, NIV).  

I would like to think that I have no other gods before God and that I love Him with all my heart, soul, and mind.  However, how I live my life, especially when I am thrown into an unexpected situation, can reveal otherwise.

My phone died on me last night.  It just shut down completely.  I hate to admit that when I woke up this morning, I dreaded getting out of bed.  I do not recall the last time I felt that way.  I thought about my phone charging in my living room, and my heart sank at the thought of facing the reality that it was completely dead.  I went in and out of a slump most of the day today.  I felt so lost and incomplete without my phone.

All day long I was reminded of other gods that threaten to push God away from being my number ONE.  I would like to think I have no other gods… but this phone incident tells me otherwise. 

My phone has become my world. It held my schedule. It had my contacts (connection to others).  It had my passwords.  It had my apps. I used it for everything.  All of that is not bad by itself, but the fact that I had to grieve the loss of my phone was a red flag it might be my other god.

Day 6: NOTICE

Yesterday, I talked about my phone dying.  Sadly, I will not be getting my phone until Wednesday. At first, I was a little annoyed, but after going two days without my phone, what’s three more days?  In a way, I am thankful this happened to me.  It is freeing not to have my phone.  One of the benefits of not having it with me is being able to notice things.

I noticed just how bald the trees in our driveway were getting.

I noticed the people walking around me in the supermarket, and even made eye contact and smiled.  They probably thought I was a wierdo.

Most importantly, I noticed a woman a woman who sat a few seats from me during worship service.  I recognized her as a parent from a school I used to work for.  I have prayed for her and her children before, even though she didn’t know me.  She was a face I saw daily at school.  I saw her children in school. 

Normally, in between services and in between worship songs and the sermon, I’d be messing with my phone (don’t judge… I have judged myself enough).  This time, I was just sitting there, waiting and taking in everything around me.  And I noticed when she walked in by herself, without her children or anyone else.  I also noticed a nudging inside that told me to talk to her.  I prayed for a clear direction as I sat there listening to the sermon.   

After service, I courageously came up to her and we chatted.  I invited her to our monthly women’s brunch.  I knew that she was a hard-working mother to three children and wanted to bless her with time with other women.  I will continue to pray for her regularly and pray for more encounters.

Day 4 of 31 Five Minute Free Writes: LISTEN

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(This entry was written on Friday, but due to technical issues, I did not post it until today).

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.
James 1:19

Yesterday, I wrote about problems. Do you know what one of my problems is? Being quick to speak and slow to listen. Sometimes, especially when I am excited about something, I even cut people off because I am just dying to get my thoughts out. Other times, my anger get the best of me and I hurl verbal diarrhea at my loved ones.

I am trying so hard to work this.

I want to REALLY listen to my husband and know what makes him happy, what encourages him, what makes him feel respected.

I want to listen more and talk less when I have those rare one on one times with my teenager or soon-to-be teenager. I have discovered that when I listen more and talk less, they are more likely to listen to what I have to say when I do start talking.

I want to listen to a friend, as she tells me she’s fine, and be able to catch if she’s REALLY fine or just saying she’s fine.

Finally, in my prayer time, I want to listen for His voice instead of my own as I go through my long prayer request. I want to listen to that still small voice of God.

Day 3 of 31 Five Minute Free Writes: PROBLEM

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     My mom used to tell me, “If there is a problem, there is a solution.  If there is no solution, then it isn’t a problem.”  I don’t know if she knew she was quoting the Dalai Lama.  I’m sure she just heard it from someone else.  What this quote means is that if there is no solution, then whatever we are calling a problem isn’t a problem, and we should accept it.

     Problems seem to abound in this world- financial inequality, social injustice, conflict, wars, safety, climate change.  These are just a few of them.  I am only writing for five minutes so I will leave climate change alone.  In my view, these problems can all be summed up to one word: SIN.  We don’t have to look outside out of our corner of the world to see social injustice and financial inequality, conflict within one’s own home, conflict a neighbor or classmate.  “All of us like sheep have gone astray.  Each of us has turned to his own way,” (Isaiah 53:6).  I am not saying this to be that angry preacher woman standing on a street corner.  I am saying this out of love because I have this sin problem too.  “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” (Romans 3:23).  It seems overwhelming.

     Some seek out to actively fix these problems by organizing, protesting, and even actually doing whatever work they need to do to do their part.  I applaud these passionate men and women.  There are those who shrug their shoulders and accept things the way they are, because they have their own problems to worry about.  What people fail to realize is that there is already a solution to these problems. 

     Isaiah 53:6, in its entirety, says, “All of us like sheep have gone astray. Each of us has turned to his own way; But the LORD has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him” (emphasis mine).  And the verses following Romans 3:23 tells us:

“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God (v. 23), and ALL are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus. God presented Christ as a sacrifice of atonement through the shedding of his blood- to be received by faith.  He did this to demonstrate his righteousness,” (verses 24-25).

I have gone past my five minutes (OOPS) so I will end with this:  I know that these WORDS from the Bible will not fix the world's problems NOW.  They won’t fix YOUR problem NOW, either.  BUT START WITH JESUS… and then see how it all unfolds. 

Day 2 of 31 Five Minute Free Writes: GIFT

We are not an accident.  God formed our inward parts, knit us together.  We are fearfully and wonderfully made by the Creator of the universe Himself (Psalm 139).  Each one of us in uniquely made with our own personalities, talents, passions, and gifts.  The apostle Paul spoke a lot about gifts (see Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12-14, Ephesians 4).  Some of us are gifted pastors, evangelists, prophets.  Others are gifted with gifts of service, teaching, encouragement, giving, administration, leadership, mercy, wisdom, knowledge faith, and healing.

 I did not really know my gifts until I was an adult.  Thanks to spiritual gift tests I have taken, I have was able to name my gifts: exhortation/ encouragement, teaching, faith, pastor/shepherding, leadership.  These gifts fuel me to write.  They fuel me to do what I do in my local church.   In my early adult life, I have been told by that I lacked passion in life.  I am not sure if that is the case now.  What I have learned in this last year or two is that when we use our God-given gifts, a passion is awakened inside us.  I may be an introvert, but engage me in a conversation about human nature, or Jesus, or church, and the change in my face and tone.  Using my God-given gifts have awakened the passion to point others to THE Greatest Gift of all- Jesus Christ.

What are your gifts? How are you using them, and if not, what is holding you back?

Day 1 of 31 Five Minute Free Writes: WHY

WHY DO I WRITE?

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I am an introvert and always was- even before I knew about the word introvert.  I was also shy and insecure, and I kept to myself.  Then in fifth grade, I discovered writing.  My fifth grade teacher, Ms. McDonnell, commented on something I wrote, and right then, I knew I wanted to be a writer.  I discovered the relief and joy of letting it all out on paper.  Since then, I kept a journal and wrote my heart out, and continued to do that into my adult years.  No matter where I was and what was going on in my life, I had a notebook.   

These days, I find it difficult to get started.  Maybe it is because I am in school and I have to write so many essays, some about things I don't really care for.  But I want to write again.  Not to keep to myself but to give out words of encouragement to others.  To speak life to those who might feel hopeless.  I want to write to give people a glimpse of my cracks and even more so, to give people a glimpse of the Light that shines through these cracks.

My Word, 2019

SURRENDER. That’s a heavy word. In the last three weeks, up until New Year’s Eve, my prayer has been, “Any word but that, Lord.”

What does it mean to surrender?  Jesus said we are to take up our cross daily and follow Him. Like Paul, we ought to be able to say “I have been crucified with Christ.” It isn’t physical crucifixion. It means being all in.

I went to a couple of “greats” to see what it actually looks like to live a surrendered life.

Oswald Chambers wrote, “Our motive for surrender should not be for any personal gain at all... It is like saying, ‘No, Lord, I don’t want you; I want myself. But I do want You to clean me and fill me with Your Holy Spirit. I want to be on display in Your showcase so I can say, This is what God has done for me.’... Genuine total surrender is a personal sovereign preference for Jesus Christ Himself.”

Andrew Murray, in his book Absolute Surrender (a must read), wrote, “Building an altar in our lives today means establishing a place, a purpose, and a process to our worship. It means recognizing that our true identity is uncovered when we die to self and allow Christ to live in and through us.”

When I gave my life to Christ years ago, I surrendered my life to Him, or so I said. But because I am a flawed human being, I haven’t always lived a surrendered life. I still try to control situations. My pride is something that I still wrestle with. I still like to hold on tight to my plans, my kids’ lives, my stuff. I did a little bit of surrendering in 2018 with my word, SIMPLIFY. There were quite a few good things I had to surrender in keeping with the whole “throw off EVERYTHING that hinders.”

I honestly don’t know why surrender is my word for 2019. And while I’m being honest, it scares me a bit. BUT because God is awesome, He didn’t let the New Year come without some assurances.

The last church service I attended for 2018 was in the campground we were staying in the Keys. The main point of the sermon was how life is a bumpy ride and we need to buckle up our seatbelts and try to enjoy the ride. That doesn’t sound Biblical but it’d take me too long to summarize her sermon on the shepherds in the Christmas story (Matthew 2:1-12) and how the main point came from that. So I just wanted to share that take away.

Then, the final book I read for 2018 was Remember God by Annie F. Downs. I won’t spoil the ending but after reading it, I was reminded that I CAN trust that God is kind, even if circumstances don’t end up the way I’d want them to end up.

So... SURRENDER it is. I still don’t like the word. I still find it intimidating. BUT I will embrace this word and surrender to God my own ability to follow through with living it out because:

“Moment by moment I’m kept in His love,

Moment by moment I’ve life from above,” Andrew Murray.

<3,

Marie